Struggling for Control
by cocoagua
Summary: Dan and Blair agreed on one kiss. What happens if they did more than just that? AU-ish, everything after 4x17 did not happen  ever .


**A/N: So... Since my head's not going anywhere with Head-to-Head (no pun intended), I decided to try to go for a one-shot. This turned out a bit long and lime-y but yeah. Maybe I'm really Dair-deprived. **

**This is AU-ish. Forgive me if my take on Dan and Blair here are a bit OOC. So, pretend everything after 4x17 didn't happen. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters. Although sometimes I wish Dan Humphrey is mine. :D**

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><p>"One kiss and that's that." She said, asking for his assurance because she was scared. She was terrified, but she wanted to know. She wanted to know if she feels something, if he feels something. It was a curious thought, a nagging sensation that somehow needed to be silenced. He touched her arm and she could not help but gulp in excitement, in anticipation. She felt him rub her with his thumb and even that simple gesture sent chills through her body.<p>

"One kiss. That's that." He agreed. He looked back to when he was taking a walk. A paralyzing thought ruled over his mind. He stared at her staring at him. Her lips looked full and soft. Her eyes were imploring his, waiting for an answer to an unspoken question. He gulped, she looked lovely. They stared for what seemed like hours. They drowned themselves in uncertainty for what seemed like an eternity. He heard her curse him before she grabbed him by his collar and crashed her lips against his. Suffice it to say that he was ready for it.

He pulled her closer, moving his hands to her nape and her back. Her hands found their way around his neck as their lips danced in a surprisingly perfect rhythm – urgent yet tender, wet but not sloppy. He licked her bottom lip and she caught his tongue in her mouth and sucked lightly. It was as if they were made for this, as if they belonged to each other.

They were terribly wrong. It wasn't just one kiss, it wasn't just _a_ kiss. It was a gesture – them meeting halfway just because at that time, there was no point denying it. It wasn't just a kiss – it was a pool of emotions, a pool of overwhelming feelings neither of them knew they had; or more likely, feelings neither of them acknowledged.

That's how they found themselves fighting for control. She lead them to a couch and he pushed her down – hard but still with a hint of gentleness. She pulled him in and pushed his coat of as she kissed him. He undid his shirt buttons as she relieved herself of her dress and everything underneath. He pulled down his pants and left his boxers on. She reached for his waist band and pulled his boxers down while kissing his chest, marking him like he was hers. He pulled her back so he could kiss her, his hand warm against her thigh. Soon he was pressing hard against her, holding her hands above her head as she met his hips with hers.

He looked at her, silently asking if this should go on. She nodded her consent as they continued to move. She closed her eyes and moaned into his ear as he entered her. When he was looking at her, asking for her permission, she saw something other than lust. He looked at her with a certain softness. He moved inside her slowly and steadily, cherishing the moment they have just created.

"You're beautiful, Blair." He whispered as he moved faster and buried himself deeper into her. They moaned loudly, saying each other's name like it's not the first time. As they came undone, he muffled their cries with kisses. He slumped against her body and she wrapped her arms loosely around him.

"We are doomed." She told him.  
>"We are." He concurred and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.<p>

...

She ignored all his calls and had him banned from the penthouse. He avoided him at parties and pretended that he ever existed. Still, he quietly followed her around most of the time. He left her favorite coffee with Dorota every morning, not letting the latter refuse. He e-mailed her blow-by-blow reviews of whichever film or exhibit he saw. She still took the coffee and read his reviews, but not once did she acknowledge him.

After more than a month, he stopped. There were no more calls, no more messages from guards informing her of a certain guy that insisted on getting in, no more coffee treats or film reviews. Just like that, he stopped. It surprised her how much he hated every moment of it. Every moment of not knowing what he was doing, where he was going, what movies he was seeing. She hated not hearing his voice, begging her to "please answer the phone and talk to me". She hated how he doesn't take notice of her in events they're both at. She hated that she was looking for him. She hated that she missed him, more than she would ever admit to anyone.

...

He opened his door, curious about the odd noise he heard while making his breakfast. Blair was pacing outside the loft and he just stared at her. He didn't offer to let her in, which was a first.

"None of your friends are here, Waldorf. You should have saved yourself the trip." He said coldly before closing the door. He sat on a stool and ate his waffles, fighting the urge to just let her in. The door opened slowly and Blair peeked before getting inside.

"I see you have found a new career as a trespasser." He commented as she moved to his couch. She noticed he didn't look mad, just sad… and maybe disappointed.

"There isn't much here that's useful to me, Humphrey. Don't get cocky." She retorted lightly. But he didn't look like he was in the mood for that. He just stared at her, waiting for her to state the purpose of her visit. She looked at him and smiled sadly.

"You stopped pestering me." She quietly pointed out. He let out a small laugh and shook his head.

"I had to save what's left of my pride, Waldorf. It's not easy to be thrown out everyday or be ignored every time I tried to talk to you. It's not easy to have your _friend_ drop you like that. It's not easy to watch you run away after what happened. If you didn't want to talk about it, all you had to do was tell me. I'd probably tell you it's not a good idea but I would still oblige." He sat on the other end of the couch, careful not to make physical contact.

"You stopped giving me coffee and your stupid film reviews. I miss my coffee…" She blurted out, not knowing how else to respond to his words.

"I tried to reach out to you, Blair. I knew it was a long shot. I'm Brooklyn, you're the Upper East Side. It's practically illegal to do what we did. But I just had to do what I could. So I tried." He buried his face in his hands in frustration.

"It didn't mean anything. It _doesn't_ mean anything." She countered, suddenly afraid. She felt herself trying to run away again. He stood up, towering above her.

"Then why are you here?" He almost yelled at her, desperate for an answer. Desperate for anything that would make sense.

"I don't know, OK?" She shouted at him. Her tears slowly fell from her eyes and she couldn't keep herself from standing up and pushing him, from hitting him with her hands. He caught her arms and pulled her close. He lead her back to the couch and let her cry into his chest until she fell asleep.

...

Soon, they fell back to their usual routine. Coffee walks, museums and movies – all banter but not a single word about the night of the kiss. They spent most of their time together but they neither held hands nor kissed. They did not share a hug when they say goodbye at night. But they stole glances and smiled when they're at parties. She leaned more and more on him when they watched movies.

Everybody else thinks they're an item. Serena even came so far as to tell them they didn't have to worry about her – she's all for it. Nate laughed at how things are going despite Dan's protests that they're just friends with a lot of common interest. Nate told him to keep telling himself that, gave him a pat on the back and a lot of laughter. Chuck took a swing at Dan. In return, Blair stopped talking to Chuck. Rufus and Lily gave them knowing looks when they banter. Dorota told Dan she "approves." Everybody thinks they're an item. They don't talk about it.

...

They finished watching _Gone with the Wind_ one night. She snuggled against him and he let her – just because he knew he had been feeling something more.

"Do you like me?" She asked him.

"When you're not bitching about my fashion sense, yes." He told her as he wrapped an arm around her. She let him.

"What fashion sense?" She retorted, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled. They stayed silent for a while.

"I more than like you." He said, more seriously this time. He could smell her hair – it smells divine, he thought. _Divine?_ He decided he must be going crazy. No reply came and he looked at her. She was breathing evenly, her eyes closed. She had fallen asleep. He kissed the top of her head.

"For lack of better terms… I love you." He whispered into her hair before joining in her slumber. But she wasn't asleep… and she heard.

...

Their legs were sprawled across her bed as they read the New Yorker together. She ran her foot up and down his leg. He flipped the pages to avoid any sort of distraction.

"I think I'm ready to try it again." He looked at her as she spoke. She was staring at him, her eyes glimmering. "I think I want to kiss you… and more." She whispered. Her cheeks felt hot. They're probably pink now, she thought. Yes, she was blushing.

He put the magazine down and stared. "I'm sorry, what?" It's not that he did not want to oblige. He was more than willing to. He just didn't want them to ruin what they've rebuilt after the fallout from the first kiss – which they both knew wasn't just a kiss. They also knew that it meant something.

"I won't run away." She answered knowingly as she pulled him in to kiss him. He obliged because he's wanted to do it with her for months but he didn't want to push his luck. She unzipped his jeans and pulled them just as he pulled her underwear down. His hands travelled to her inner thigh and he felt the heat. He kissed her behind the ear, biting a little and she let out a gasp. He pressed his hands against her and his fingers moved in small, circular motions.

She rolled over so that she was on top of him and rubbed her wet center on him, teasing him. She let his tip slide a little into her opening and caused him to groan in protest. "Oh God, Blair" he cried out. She eased him into her and moved in what Dan found to be an excruciatingly slow pace. "Dan… Dan…" She repeated his name over and over as they moved.

He regained his position on top and pushed himself harder into her. He moved fast and she met his rhythm. He reached out for the headboard to support himself as they both neared their peak. Their voices filled the room and probably other rooms but they didn't care. She moaned loudly and screamed his name and he felt her contract. They came together, their screams of pleasure forming a perfect harmony.

...

She snuggled next to him and laid her head on his chest.

"That was…" She struggled for words – a habit she developed during her time with Humphrey.

"Amazing, I hope?" He finished for her. His arms are wrapped around her protectively. This time, he wasn't letting her go. She nodded against his chest and he let out a sigh of relief.

"I love you, Blair." He told her without expectations.

"I love you, too." She answered him without even a moment's pause.

"You do?" He asked as he tilted his head a little to see her face. She smiled and nodded.

"For lack of better terms…" She answered as she snuggled close and fell asleep. He followed in her slumber, for real this time.

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><p><strong>Review? :)<strong>


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